The End in Sight

So the end of Summer is in sight. I have not decided yet if I am ready for it to be over or not. I love spending time with my family and just enoying the break, but part of me is ready to be back with kids and my teacher friends. This year looks like it might be a bit of a challenge so that has kept me in prayer these last couple of weeks. I know that God will provide the strength that I need to not only make it through this year but also provide me with a chance to be that witness to my students. I will have two students this year that I had last year so that will be a great chance for me to continue to build a relationship with them and hopefully help them to be successful this year.
Today was a great day. I got to eat lunch with Chris Warner, who is one of my best friends. We have actually not seen each other in a while so it was great to get to hang out together again and to talk about all the things that are going on in our lives. Also later this week I will be eating with another one of my high school friends and my mom. I love getting to spend time with people and to hear about how God is blessing them in their lives. This week will be full of those opportunities as tomorrow I get to go with Joshua out to the ranch where Dad works and catch up with his bosses. We will also be bring Dad lunch, I am a little anxious to see what it looks like out there since it has not rained in so long. Dad says that the Mesquite trees have just flourished.
I will be heading back to Levelland on Sunday. I am excited about getting back to my church and actually attending on a regular basis. I have to start back to work on Monday and like I said I am excited to see my fellow teachers. I am also anxious to meet the other new math teacher.
God has blessed me with a wonderful summer, the only thing missing was the rain. I hope that you were also blessed this summer and would love to hear about how God blessed you.

End of Summer

The end of Summer is very near. I have about a week and a half before I am back to work and getting ready for kids. I feel like I have not done a very good job on keeping you posted on what has been happening with me this summer. So today we will play a little catch up.
I got to spend so great quality time with my dad this summer because he put me to work. Mom and Dad decided they wanted to get rid of all the carpet in the house and replace it with lament flooring. Since I was home, that meant that I got to help rip up carpet and then lay the new floor. Wow, it made the house look so much better. But the best part was that it gave me some time to just hang out with my dad.
I also had the chance to get to hang out with Sara, Jeremy's wife. Jeremy was out of the country for two weeks so I went down for four days to hang out with Sara and Thad and it help out a little. It was a blast. Sara and I had some great talks, which I really needed to get some of that stuff off my chest and it helps that she has been through some of the same experiences so she kind of understands what I am going through. If that is what it is really like to have a sister then I am back to my original desires of having one, unlike when I was in college and shared a single, tiny bathroom with three other girls and said that I was SO glad I did not have a sister. We also cooked supper Monday night for Caleb, one of my friends from high school. It was great to catch up with him and to hear what is happening in his life and what his plans are for the future.
Then here recently one of the people I served with during my time with Infinity Sports is driving from Georgia to California and back again. She needed a place to stay between two days of 12 hours of driving so I told her she could stay with me. Jess and I had a lot of fun just hanging out and going to bookstores!! ( I did great I bought three books for less than $8) She will also be staying with me one night on her return trip.
Finally what we have all been waiting for... BUMBBAABAAAAAA! Joshua has returned from Oregon! I have miss hanging out with him so much. We went and picked him up on Thursday and Jeremy and his family met us for supper and we all came home together. It was kind of strange to have almost the whole family together and it not be a holiday or a baby being born. That night they gave us our souvenirs and we talked a little about their trips. On Friday we looked at pictures from both places and they were gorgeous. Joshua then shared in Sunday School about his trip and he talked about how we are suppose to live intentional lives. I know that is something I can work on. That in my life I should be looking for ways to build new relationships or to take a conversation in the direction of my Savior. That instead of going through each day like I am promised the next, I will live each day as if it is my last and that I will not be afraid of what others might think of me but that I will boldly stand up for my faith. That Christ will be such a part of my life that I can't keep him from flowing over out of my cup and into every part of my life. That I will be a shinning city on a hill for all to see not a faint light that can only be seen if you are close enough. I want to be part of God's all consuming fire that whatever I come in contact with catches fire as well. This is something I am going to try and do as this next school year comes around. That I might not only be a witness to my students but to the teachers and parents who I come in contact with, as well.
As you can see God has blessed me with a great summer. I feel like it has been the rest that I have needed. It has also helped me to see that the church I am going to now is the one for me. Being away this summer has really shown me how much I long to be there. I feel like it is a place where I can grow as a Christian and that there are people there that I can build friendships with that will last.
So I hope that you have all had a great summer and that if you are a teacher that you do not dread the upcoming first day of school but that you are ready for it and that God opens your eyes to ways that you can be that Christian witness to your students.

Loving Others

A couple of weeks again my mom and I went to Levelland for one of my students birthdays. Mom had the chance to go to Sunday school with me on Sunday before our mad dash back to Dublin to help Gran decorate for her upcoming VBS and a movie night at our church. In Sunday School we are going through James. We have been diving into what it looks like in it raw form and talking about how it still applies to us today. We came across the part where James tells us that we need to take care of the orphans and the widows. Well in the car mom started talking about it again because it was a lot to chew on. She said that we need to not only look at from a physical sense but also in the spiritual sense. There are tons of people out there who are orphans spiritual, and they need someone to be that example for them. Yes the kids have parents at home but their parents are the Christian example that they are looking for. One example comes to my mind. When I was in youth group we had two girls who would come to church on their own. Neither one of their parents came but it was a decision that they made that they wanted to be in church even if they did not have they example set for them by their parents. These girls are what my mom would say are spiritual orphans.
All of this also led us to the discussion of how we as the church treat people. I love to people watch and so when I go to church or are around people I enjoy watching how they interact with other people. I have noticed in church (and this is not all churches or all people just some I have been to) that if a person does not fit the model that we think should be set for you to be there then they get ignored or worse made fun of. Casting Crowns wrote a song called "If We are the Body," that talks about this exact thing. In VBS this week we talked about how God made us in his image and that he saw it was good. So if God says these people are made in his image what gives us the right to think we can turn them away or make them feel like we are judging them or to make them feel like they have no right to be there because they have every right. Christ says that he did not come for the healthy but for the sick. The model we set is all wrong. The people that get made fun of or ignored those are the people we are called to love and to bring into the family of Christ but we are too busy calling them crazy or judging them for how they are different then us. Brandon Heath sings a song called "Give Me Your Eyes" that is a pray I think we should all pray, "Give me your eyes for just one second, give me your eyes so I can see everything that I keep missing. Give me your love for humanity." If we had the eyes of God these people would never feel the way they do when they walk through the doors of the church, instead they would feel the awesome power of Christ love. So maybe that should be our prayer as a church, that God would give us his eyes so that we could see people for who they are and not what they look like or how much they annoy us.

The Wait is Over

Well for those of you who have been faithful and continue to check my blog, I want to thank you and let you know what has been going on. The reason that I have not posted in a while is not for lack of things to write about but because I do not have internet at my apartment and the school block my blogging website. But I am home for the summer and can once again fill you in on what God is doing in my life.
When I left you I had just told you about a new church I was going to attend. I have been attending First Baptist Sundown for a while now and it is what I have been looking for. My Sunday School is great. We have been reading through James the past couple of Sundays and it is this in depth study about what James is talking about. For so long I have been craving something deeper I was so tired of the milk that so many churches were giving to me when I was craving a big, fat, juicy steak. But our Sunday school teacher Jay is very good about making us think about what the word is saying and then how it applies to us. I usually walk away full and still chewing on some stuff. Then the congragtion is great too. They give hugs, which for me is a big thing. I mean when you grow up in a church that is like your second family, hugs are expected as a form of greeting. They are also some of the friendliest people I have met yet. They come and talk to me and they remember my name and that I am a teacher. It has been great, I finally feel like I fit somewhere and it is a place where I am getting fed.
In other news, I will be teaching at Levelland again next year. Our school has been very fortunate in the fact that it has not had to lay anyone off. I had been praying about moving closer to home but I feel like God is telling me to stay, at least for right now. I still really enjoy my department and the relationships that i have been able to build with my students have been great.
Well I think that might be all for now. I know there is more to fill you in on but my mind is drawing a blank right now. So I am sorry it has been so long but hope to continue to be able to keep you posted every chance I get. Have a wonderful week!

New Church

I visited First Baptist Sundown on Sunday. My mom had met a lady who went to church there and she told me that I should come visit sometime. This was the first Sunday that I have been in town to go visit, so I thought I would give it a try. The Sunday School class is just what I have been wanting. It is a deeper look into the word, where we actually went verse by verse and discussed what Paul was saying to the church he was writing too. The congregation was very friendly. It is a smaller church but there were lots of people who came over to shake my hand and to tell me they were glad I was there. It had that family atmosphere. So I plan on visiting again this Sunday. I do ask that you will be praying for me as I begin visiting churches again. I know that God has a place for me and I know it is not where I am right now. I am ready to be a part of the church not just a pew filler.

Friends

If I could describe my Spring Break in one word it would be "friends." I spent the majority of my spring break hanging out with friends who I have not seen in a while. My first visit was to Georgia to see Jessica, she was the camp director when I served for Infinity Sports. I had not seen her in about three and a half years so as you can image there was a lot of catching up to do. The thing that I love most about our relationship is that Jess always challenged me. It was just what I needed, I was able to share with her some of the things that were on my heart and she gave me some well need advice. I enjoy having someone who can challenge me to go deeper in my relationship with Christ and she does just that.
After Georgia it was on to Brownwood for lunch with Steve Bailey. Steve was a sub while I was doing my student teaching in Early. It was great getting to catch up with him over lunch. Steve is one of those miracles that God has placed in my life. He had to have a heart transplant a couple of years ago, so the fact that I got to meet him was a blessing.
Finally I ended the week with my life long friend Jennifer. We met for supper and talked for two and a half hours straight and didn't even realize it. It was great to laugh and remonise about the past and things that we have gone through. It is funny how you can see the stages of my life through the friends that I have.
I heard a quote one time that says "Friends are one heart in two bodies." I feel like that is true, you connect with your friends on a deeper level and they stick wih you for life. You may not seem them for years at a time but when you do finally get together it is as if no time has passed at all. You are able to pick up right where you left on and continue to grow that relationship. I thank God everyday that he created friendship, that we are about to build a bond between each other, to share our struggles, to cry and laugh together, and to challenge each other to be the best person that we can be. So take some time to remember all the good times you have had with you friends and let them know how much you love them and how they have impacted your life for the better.

Sunday

God grabbed my heart and my attention this weekend. Saturday was my mom's birthday so both Joshua and I came home to spend some time with her and dad. We spent all day Saturday together shopping and decorating for the church fellowship on Sunday and best of all Skyping my brother and his family. It was a well needed day of laughter and love. Then on Sunday I was able to go to church at the church where I have basically spent half of my life time. It was refreshing to be greeted first by people and to have arms opened to me for some much desired hugs. It felt like I had come home and really that is true. That church is my family, they have been there for me through so much and have prayered for me more times than I will ever know. I felt like I belonged somewhere. That was only the beginning. God had taken hold of my heart and was about to squeeze it. In worship we began to sing, Judy had picked wonderful praise and worship songs and I could feel the emotion building up in me. I knew God was there with me and that He was showing me something and I tried to hold back the tears. Then we came to the song Clean Hands. Just singing those words "Oh God let us be a generation that seeks, that seeks your face." and "Give us clean hands, give us pure hearts, let us not lift our souls to another." I couldn't hold back the emotion anymore. Growing up I use to ask God to break my heart for His people and Sunday He did that. We are not a generation who is seeking God faces, we are a generation who is seeking money and the latest technology. It is all about how to get ahead and we don't care who we hurt along the way. We have become so hard hearted, and our hands are anything but clean. We bow our hearts to so many idols, money, pride, success. Our eyes have fallen for the Lord and landed on anything that can help us get what we want. I want to be one who seeks God face, who strives to have a pure heart and clean hands. I know that it will not always be easy, that there is going to be tough times but that when I am struggling there is a body of people who will be praying for me. That even though right now I don't always feel like I belong that there will always be a place for me in the family of God and that I am forever loved by someone one whose love is beyond all understanding. So I challenge you today to look and see what are you bowing your heart to and what is it that you are seeking?

Exhausted

Lately I have not been sleeping well. I tend to wake up in the middle of the night and then struggle to get back to sleep. Every once in a while I am blessed with the great fortune of sleeping all the way through the night. The worse part of about it is that not only am I not sleeping well but I have also been having some really crazy dreams. Of course with my family crazy dreams are a norm but for some reason these seem crazier than normal. With each passing night my exhaustion grows. Then Tuesday came, and if you are from Texas you know that Tuesday was TAKS ELA (or at least if you are a teacher). As a TAKS administrator it is your job to "actively monitoring" the students as they take their test. This means walking around the room to make sure that no student is cheating or doing something they should not be doing during the test. So Tuesday I was on my feet no stop from 7:15 until 12:55, and for the majority of that time I was walking in circles around a class room in complete silence. So now my body is starting to feel the exhaustion as well. But the exhaustion that has been bothering me the most is spiritual exhaustion I have started to feel lately.
I feel like going to church and being a part of the church activities has become this burden that I carry around. I have to convince myself every Sunday to get up and go to church. It shouldn't be like that!!! I want that desire to be a part of a church and to feel like I am growing in the Lord. Where I am right now is not really sparking that fire in my soul but instead it is allowing that fire to slowly die down. I want to be challenged! I have been blessed with a family who has helped me grow and develop in the Lord and sometime I just feel like I have already heard it all before. I want something new. I want to dive deeper and deeper into the word. I want to thirst and hunger for the will of God in my life and then seek it out in pray and in His word. I want someone who is going to keep me accountable, who I can discuss the hard question of life with, and with whom I can share my struggles in this life. I want to be a better person, who God is continually molding because I am allowing Him to do so and I want spend time with Him each day to know what needs to change in my life. I am ready to have a good spiritual exhaustion, one where I have spent so much time feeding my soul that I feel like if I kept going I would die from exhaustion. Not this dread of going to church and the desire to stay home each Sunday to spend time alone with the Lord. I want a place where I can serve Him along side other believers and that I can praise Him with the rest of the family as well as share my thoughts and ideas about His word and listen to their ideas as well. So I ask that you will please pray for me as once again I start the search for the church where I belong. Also if you will pray for me as I seek God's will for my life and for the changes that He has for me in the near future.

Kids

Last night I went to the Levelland softball games to watch some of my former students play. When I got to the game some of my freshmen from this year were there watching and they asked me to come and sit by them. That is probably the most I have laughed in a long time. It was so much fun just to be able to sit and get to know the kids as well as just getting to have some fun. I wish there was a job that paid you to just hang out with kids, I would love that job. God has given me a heart for these students, so many of them are looking for someone who will just listen to them or spend just a couple of minutes with them. There was an eighth grader at the game last night who asked if I was really a teacher because I was cool. Cool?? Me?? All I did was sit with them and laugh and invest a small piece of my time. It is the small things in life that make a difference. I have now started to build relationship with these girls and hopefully one day when they need it the most I will be there with loving arms to help them and to share with them the love of Christ. It was for this very reason that I became a teacher. So many of these kids just want someone who will listen to their story and who actually cares about them and God has given me the heart to try and be that someone. They are hurting, they come from broken homes and just long for a little attention and some love. If you think the world is a wonderful place you need to walk into a classroom and hear the stories of each student, then you will see how much pain and suffering there is in the world today. These students have to grow up too fast and they do so with very few people who believe in them. I want to be the person who tells them that their dreams are possible and then be the one to help them reach those dreams.
So I guess I will leave you with a challenge. The next time you see some teenager at church, the store, and just around town some where stop and talk to them. Actually listen to what they have to say and build a relationship with them. Trust me they will truly bless your life.

14 Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:14

Patience

Monday was a really rough day for me. It seemed like everything went wrong that could go wrong and on top of it all I did not feel good. Well I came home from work and just really needed a good cry so of course I grab the phone and call my mom. Well I talk to her for maybe two minutes before the tears just start to pour from my eyes. I tell her all the things that I have been holding in and also vented about my day. Not too long after mom and I get off the phone it was like God just said watch this. The things that I had gripped about the most were fixed before I went to bed that night.
I think that it was a great less for me. That I need to be patient and allow God to fix my problems. Instead I expect everything to be perfect or to be fixed shortly after it stops being perfect. However, I don't really think that is how God works. He works things in His own time. I think it always was a huge help to get it out in the open. God never meant for us to carry things on our own. First off He sent His son to carry the load of death for us. Secondly I believe that he places people in our lives to help us through our times of need.
Well I hope that you all had a better Valentine's Day than I did. Remember that God will always love you; just be patient, He will show Himself.

I Just Want to Feel Like I Belong

This weekend I finally got out and hang out with people, both on Friday and on Saturday. I had been really looking forward to this weekend because I would not have to spend the entire weekend by myself and my parents were going to come visit me. Well Thursday my Dad calls and tells me that him and mom are not coming because they are going to get snow yet again on Friday and since the weather had been so bad we would just move their visit.
Then on Friday I went out with a guy from work and his wife and some of their friends. We went and ate and then went to some art exhibits. The conversation was good and I really enjoyed the paintings but dinner was the down side to it all. I have tried very hard to stay away from drinking and when we went to dinner almost everyone at the table ordered something to drink. I felt so uncomfortable and then the rest of the night you can smell the alcohol on their breaths. Also after the art trail closed they were trying to think of something else to do and they were like we could go to a bar. Thankfully God rescued me and we went to a coffee shop instead. I know that drink is not bad but that is just something I have never wanted to be around. The whole time I felt like I did not belong there.
Then on Saturday night we had a Sunday school party. We were going to get together and play some games. I was really looking forward to that night because I thought I was beginning to make some friends. However the entire night I felt so out of place. All of these people showed up who I had never met before and the people who I usually talk to were talking to them. I tried to be sociable and talk to the new people but they just wanted to hang out with their friends.
I have really been struggling lately with living in Levelland, I mean I am so far from my family, I have been here two years and haveno friends outside of work and I still have not found a church home. This weekend just added to my feeling of not belonging here. I know that Christ says we will have struggles and that following Him will not be easy. I guess all I can really do is ask for guideance and wait to see what God has in store for me. So if you could just pray that God shows me where I belong.
If there is anything that you are struggling with and would like some prayer please let me know I would love to pray for you.

Winter Wonderland

As many of you know by first hand experience, this week has been full of cold weather and snow. In fact I know of many people who did not have school because it was so bad in their area. However, Levelland decided that we could make it to work everyday this week if we just started two hours later. But that is not what I am going to be talking about today.
One reason I love snow is because it makes everything look so beautiful. It coats everything in a shimmering white blank. Unless of course you live in West Texas in which case it starts out white and then become brown as the wind continues to blow. I was driving home the other day from school and an analogy came to me. There is that hymn that says he washes us white as snow. And then I thought about it, our sin to God is like that little grain of sand that has been blown onto the snow. It stands out like a sore thumb and there is no way that we can hide it. Even if we try to throw something on top we can still see the effects of our sin on our lives. God turns us into this shimmering beautiful creation and then we just go and mess it up by trying to satisfy our worldly desires. I know that right now there is a lot of sand staining my life and the only person who can clean it up for me is Christ. So I must ask for his help. What is polluting your snow today?

Coincidence

On Saturday I was sitting at home thinking how much fun it would be to go bowling. Since my parents are coming in a couple of weeks I thought it would be cool if we went bowling with them and Rhonda and her family. Well about 4:30 i got a text from Rhonda asking me if I wanted to go bowling with her and her family!!! What a coincidence. Then I stopped to think about it. The only person who knew what I was thinking was God. I had also been praying to him lately that he might help me find people to do things with on the weekends. And I came to the conclusion that it really wasn't a coincidence but a gift from God. That stuck with me. How many times does God do things for us and we just shrug them off as coincidences. I was tell Rhonda about all of this on Monday and I told her it was like when you are dating someone and you leave tiny notes for them to find to brighten their days. Me going bowling was a note from God and it definitely brightened my day. We had a lot of fun!!(plus I won both games!) So think about this the next time a coincident pops up in your life. Maybe it is the answer to a pray you prayed once or maybe just a love note from the Father. I hope that you have a wonderful day full of coincidences.

Power in the Word

Last week was a really rough week for me. There is some things going on here at school that have been taking their toll on me. Saturday morning I was cleaning my house when I came across a picture that Larrissa had made for me when Joel was born. On it was Isaiah 41:9-10, which say "Telling you, 'You're my servant, serving on my side. I've picked you. I haven't dropped you. 'Don't panic. I'm with you. There's no need to fear for I'm your God. I'll give you strength. I'll help you. I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you." (The Message) It was the perfect verse for me to hear. I decided that the biggest problem was I was feeling sorry for myself. That things were hard and I was ready to give up. But like this verse says I am God servant and he has picked me. Serving is not always going to be easy but if you keep going it says that God will give me strength. On Sunday our Pastor asked us how big our God was because our view of God tends to be way too small. We limit him and do not trust him with everything in our life. That is one problem that seems to keep popping up in my life. I have made God too small. I try to find my own strength but this never works. I need to start trust God with everything. He will NEVER drop me, His grip on me will always been firm and He is always right there beside me holding me steady. I just need to ask for His help instead of trying to do it all on my own. So even though the circumstances have not changed this week my perspective will. This week I am not going to feel sorry for myself but instead I am going to call on God to give me the strength that I need to make it through the rough times. I know that He is here holding me steady.

Being Alone

I have start yet another book. I am reading Ted Dekker's Martyr Song Series. I just started When Heaven Weeps this week. There is a song that the priest hears and one of the lines in it says "When you were alone, I was right by your side." That really hit me. Ever since I moved to Levelland loneliness is something that I have struggled with on a regular basis. I have never lived by myself until moving here and it is hard to come home everyday to an empty apartment. It has been a struggle for me but that quote really helped me see things through a different light. To help me see that I am really never alone, that God is sitting there right beside me, that he is always there to be my comfort or my friend. I hope that this new knowledge might make being alone a little easier to bear.

Tangled Web

I was watching a movie last night and in it there was a girl who was a drug addict and had been pulled over by the cops for drunk driving. The police had assigned her to so many hours at AA but she wouldn't stay because she thought her problem was so small. One of her friends, after listening to her talk about the other peoples problems being big and out of control told her "Their problems start small just like yours." I think this is a lot like sin. God tells us that all sin is equal but for some reason we believe that their are different levels of sin. Such as lying is not as bad as murder and that the thoughts we have are nothing unless we act on them. This is not true at all. Christ says that if we commit murder in hearts we will be judged for it. Why is it so easy for us to get tangled up in sin? We seem to be drawn to it like a fly to a Venus fly trap. Something lures us in and then it grabs us and begins to tangle us up, until there is no way out. We begin to lie to others and ourselves to cover up the sin in our lives, which is only adding to the tangled mess around us. Before we hit rock bottom we become ashamed of what we have done. We feel like we do not deserve forgiveness. We finally begin to see the sin around us that has begun to suffocate us. We try to break free on our own, thinking that if we pull the right cord or move the right way some how we can break free of it all. But this is not true and after a long time of struggling we hit the bottom. It is only then that we look up to God. We have tried everything else and have failed so why not come before the Lord broken, dirty, and hurting. All it takes for Christ is us to admit and he clears that tangled sin away. When I worked a Champs Camp one spring break, the verse of the week was Hebrews 12:1 but the following two verses apply as well. "1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." We need to fix our eyes on Christ, because He has made it through and He alone is our hope. With out Christ we would stay a tangled mess until the sin finally destroyed us. Don't give up hope, God has set a path before us and he is ready and willing to help whenever we call. Do not wait to clean up your life to come to Christ but come to him dirty, broken and hurting so that he can wash you clean and fix you up.

2010

We have come to the end of another year and the beginning of a new year. 2010 held some great times and lots of fun memories. I read all the way through the Bible, which is something that I have been wanting to do for a long time. Thaddaeus was born, John Mark and family moved over seas, I got to travel to four new states.
The thing I love about new years is that it gives you a chance to stop and reflect on what God has done for you over the year. I know that we should do that every day but we don't so it is nice to have a day set aside to think about it. Just the fact that God has brought us through another year. So I would encourage you to take some time and reflect on how God has blessed you in the year 2010.
Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and a great New Year's.
Can't wait to see what God has in store for 2011!!!!