Exhausted

Lately I have not been sleeping well. I tend to wake up in the middle of the night and then struggle to get back to sleep. Every once in a while I am blessed with the great fortune of sleeping all the way through the night. The worse part of about it is that not only am I not sleeping well but I have also been having some really crazy dreams. Of course with my family crazy dreams are a norm but for some reason these seem crazier than normal. With each passing night my exhaustion grows. Then Tuesday came, and if you are from Texas you know that Tuesday was TAKS ELA (or at least if you are a teacher). As a TAKS administrator it is your job to "actively monitoring" the students as they take their test. This means walking around the room to make sure that no student is cheating or doing something they should not be doing during the test. So Tuesday I was on my feet no stop from 7:15 until 12:55, and for the majority of that time I was walking in circles around a class room in complete silence. So now my body is starting to feel the exhaustion as well. But the exhaustion that has been bothering me the most is spiritual exhaustion I have started to feel lately.
I feel like going to church and being a part of the church activities has become this burden that I carry around. I have to convince myself every Sunday to get up and go to church. It shouldn't be like that!!! I want that desire to be a part of a church and to feel like I am growing in the Lord. Where I am right now is not really sparking that fire in my soul but instead it is allowing that fire to slowly die down. I want to be challenged! I have been blessed with a family who has helped me grow and develop in the Lord and sometime I just feel like I have already heard it all before. I want something new. I want to dive deeper and deeper into the word. I want to thirst and hunger for the will of God in my life and then seek it out in pray and in His word. I want someone who is going to keep me accountable, who I can discuss the hard question of life with, and with whom I can share my struggles in this life. I want to be a better person, who God is continually molding because I am allowing Him to do so and I want spend time with Him each day to know what needs to change in my life. I am ready to have a good spiritual exhaustion, one where I have spent so much time feeding my soul that I feel like if I kept going I would die from exhaustion. Not this dread of going to church and the desire to stay home each Sunday to spend time alone with the Lord. I want a place where I can serve Him along side other believers and that I can praise Him with the rest of the family as well as share my thoughts and ideas about His word and listen to their ideas as well. So I ask that you will please pray for me as once again I start the search for the church where I belong. Also if you will pray for me as I seek God's will for my life and for the changes that He has for me in the near future.